Reality TV Response: Big Brother 8, Rock of Love, Pick-Up Artist

Big Brother 8 - CBS

No! Noooo Zach, nooo! Of all the weeks for you to take the house, why now? You spaz.

To old business: bye, Amber! I'm surprised to say I'll actually miss the crying game ... I've never known anyone to generate hilarity by something as simple as a sniffle, but she pretty much cornered the market on that one.

The HOH competition was pretty intense this week! My heart was racing through the whole thing, I wanted Dick to steal that win so bad! I thought he might for a bit, when Zach got busy trying to wedge those big monkey hands of his into the jar to try and get his little ball out early. Sadly, he wised up and did it the normal way before Dick could make up the difference. Smart monkey.

Shockingly enough, Zach didn't nominate Dick! After their little face-to-face earlier, Zach should have been dying to get rid of him. When it comes down to it, he must be scared of Dick. Why else would he pass that up? Very, very tragic to see Jessica go up though, although after nominating Zach next week I'm sure she was prepared for it.

Hopefully, Eric will get the veto. He'll take Jessica off the block for sure, and then the rest can band together to get Tragic Jameka out. There's no one who'd take her off the block save for herself. Besides, it'd be a shame to see Jessica go, she's the only consistently positive persona in the house besides Eric! And with his lady-love gone, Eric will be pitiful.

Veto competition's going to be a big one this week ... and I have a sneaking suspicion that a double elimination is coming up any day now.

Edit: Tues, September 4 ... Daniele got the veto, so no change to the nominations. Better than Jameka getting off the block, anyway. Dick lusting after Janelle was funny, funny stuff, as was Eric's Dick impersonation. Cereal-flicking is quality entertainment.

Oh, and FYI - I absolutely called it! Double elimination coming up on Thursday night's episode ... first Jameka, then Zach! Come on, Big Brother, don't fail me now!

Rock of Love - VH1

So this week, Heather, brilliant intellectual that she is, decided to get Bret's name tattooed on the back of her neck. Good call, sweetie. A promiscuous rock star's name permanently scarred into your flesh? That's not a decision you'll ever regret.

Bret's superfans? Definitely typical groupies. But way nicer than a lot of the girls in the house, honestly. I would've rather had them there than half the girls on the show, and clearly Bret wouldn't have minded at all ... those were less-than-chaste goodbye kisses.

Now then - what in the hell is Bret doing by eliminating Sam and keeping Crazy Lacey despite the superfans' suggestions?? Is his bandanna tied too tight? I think the producers must've had a hand in on that decision, Lacey generates more drama than Sam and is thus more buzzworthy. But at least Sam went out in a big way - that was a jaw-dropper of a kiss she laid on him on her way out the door. I think Bret was immediately starting to regret letting her go ...

Next week should be equally interesting, it looks like security has to escort someone out! I bet it's Lacey ... who else would get belligerent enough to have to be bounced from the house? And in the commercials for next episode, we see Bret Michaels postulating how to get Heather off the stripper pole and onto his own pole, a statement which takes his WTF-ery to a whole new level. Why, Bret?

The Pick Up Artist - VH1

Ahhh! Ahhhh men in Speedos, ahhhh! And actually, as unfairly attractive as Kosmo and Joe W. were in their little man-thongs, Joe D. was absolutely adorable. 280 lbs, and not at all intimidated about his heavyset body in that tiny little swimsuit. Major bonus points, Joe D.! However, the most entertaining in my book was Joe W. - "my butt showed up with its A-game today." Gotta love it.

In the end, the "let's see how the men handle baring it all" contest went to Joe D. and his total confidence in the face of butt-floss. (Make a note, men: no matter how you look or what you're doing, if you are unshakably confident in it then women will respond!) For his prize, D. won Niquito, a chick-magnet of a puppy to use in the next competition.

Mystery told an odd little story about that time when he met a woman in a grocery store and had her naked in his hotel room 25 minutes later. And all I want to know is this: what in the hell did he say to her?? That's like a world record, less than half an hour from "hello" to "helloooo ..."

Mystery gets more and more odd with each show ... I just want to grab him by the shoulders, shake him, and yell "Be normal! Be normal!" until things balance out. Sexy voice aside, he's quite off-putting at times. I'm not sure how such a strange man could be such an expert at picking up women ... I honestly think I'd sooner date Kosmo or one of the Joes than get involved with Mystery.

All the guys seemed to do a good job in the field test - Pradeep even scored a phone number off a girl. Joe D. fumbled quite a bit - his dog got more game than he did, honestly. Pradeep, secure with his digits, won the competition and ensured his survival for another week. Kosmo, Joe D., and Brady stayed ... which means my Joe W. went home! Clearly I don't know how to pick 'em when it comes to pick up artists ...

Next week's preview looks very, very entertaining ... women model lingere for our would-be Lotharios, and they struggle to keep their composure in the face of sexuality. Competition's getting a little, ah, stiff ... heehee.