Freudian Sip

Last night, I had a group of people over to chill out, catch up, and watch some Brad Neely nonsense. And, sleepaholic that I am, as soon as everyone headed out around 1 am, I collapsed into bed and dozed off without worrying too much about the party-debris accumulated in the den.

After waking up this morning, I walked back out into my living room to take stock of the jumble of party-related junk settled around my apartment, especially cans and bottles. And suddenly my fiction-mechanism clicked on and I started to sort out how someone's drinking habits could be used as character development.

I mean, the way people drink can be used as characterization. A femme fatale will run her finger around the rim of her glass seductively, and a seasoned drinker will toss back a shot without a flinch. But I'm thinking about it in simpler, almost forensic terms: what do I know about who was here last night based on the leftover evidence next morning?

Quick note to anyone who was here last night - I have no idea whose drink was whose (I've slept since then), so none of this is personal judgment. This is just me extrapolating.

• Some people finished their drink and threw their empty cans away. Those people are empathetic, and they follow through logically with anything they begin (Step 1: open drink, Step 2: drink drink, Step 3: trash drink).

• Some people finished their drinks, but left the empty can sitting on the nearest stable surface. These people are all about efficiency, aware of what they are supposed to do but also knowledgeable about what corners they can cut without being called out.
  

• Some people didn't finish their drinks (guilty!) but only took a few sips and either opted for another drink or set theirs down and forgot about it. These people are somewhat fickle, or are forever looking forward and get distracted by what's next instead of what's now.

• Some people took their unfinished drinks home with them afterwards. These people are conscientious, and don't want to waste anything if they can help it. That, or they intend to go ahead and throw it out once out of sight, but want to look conscientious rather than wasteful.

• Some people went out and got 7-11 Big Gulps, which our group of girls has re-dubbed "big-ass drinks." These people ... have a phallic fixation with straws?
  

• And finally, some people finished their drink, scrunched up the can, and left what I can only identify as a chain of vampire-type bite marks up the side. Now I didn't see anyone drinking out of the side of the can Nosferatu-style, but again - I've slept since then. This either suggests that this type of drinker has a very complex personality which can't be explained by my impromptu analysis, or that I am in fact friends with a dracula.

Seeing as I don't remember who drank what, there's no way for me to find out if my theory is accurate or not. But that's the beauty of fiction - it's reality as I see it that applies, and nothing else.

Anyway, now that I've evaluated all the left-behind drink cans, it's time to throw them out. Psychoanalysis aside, I live here. Forest of aluminum isn't doing it for me.